-Stone Cold is out to start the show to the kind of pop you just don't hear nowadays. Austin says being right back in the WWE ring makes him want to open a big fat can of whoop ass. He says he must be out of shape because the long walk to the ring made him thirsty and calls for a beer. This brings him to his point that with Wrestlemania being two weeks away that no one knows better than him the importance of Wrestlemania. At Wrestlemania 13 against Bret Hart he had the defining match of his career. He says passing out in a pool of his own blood in Chicago is something he'll never forget. He says after facing Bret Hart on a number of occasions he can say Bret is one of the best he has ever been in the ring. He says he never thought he'd see the day, but this year Bret will face Vince McMahon. He says he knows a little something about Vince too, and even though they don't see eye to eye he loved facing Vince because he was one of the nastiest guys he ever faced. He says since Vince always tries to screw everyone he does business with he's here to make sure there's no funny business. He pauses to take a drink, and says everyone always talks about Vince screwing Bret, but Vince won't be pulling the wool over anyone's eyes tonight. He says he doesn't care if he has to open a can of whoop ass on Vince tonight we're gonna take care of business in this ring because Stone Cold said so. John Cena decides to come have a word, and Austin leaves as we're ready for our opening bout.
John Cena vs. The Big Show
Austin shoots a look at Show on his way out, but nothing happens and the match is on. Show takes control early with a bodyshot, and picks Cena up for what looks like a powerbomb but instead falls backwards with him as we head to break.
We're back from commercial with Cena locked in a chinlock, but he slides out and goes for the STF. Show pushes him off and Cena flies to the floor. Show tries to bring Cena back in, but he gets dropped on the top rope and Cena is back inside. Cena goes for a bodyslam but Show collapses on top of him for a two count. Show whips Cena into corner and sets up for the Vader Bomb which misses. Show charges at Cena in the corner but runs into the boots and a low dropkick sending him to the buckle. Cena hits the top rope rocker dropper, and calls for the five knuckle shuffle. Batista's music hits before Cena goes for the move, but he completes it anyway without taking his eyes of the Animal. He allows the distraction to get to him allowing Show to hit the chokeslam, but Cena is out at two! Cena calls for the knockout punch, but Cena ducks and goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Batista hops on the apron for a distraction which allows Show to slide down the back and deliver the knockout punch for the win at 7:34. This runs Big Show's all time record against Cena to roughly 2-731. Not quite as awful as your average Cena-Show match.
Winner: The Big Show (Pinfall-Choke Slam *1/2)
Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus
Sheamus teases a promo but takes a cheap shot at Bourne with the microphone and delivers a pump kick. Sheamus delivers the Razor's Edge to Bourne who rolls to the floor. Sheamus says as a young fella growing up in Ireland he was always fascinated by the WWE Superstars. There was one man who stood out more than anyone. A man who was so selfish, and ruthless, a man who would sell his own mother down the river. A man who would use a sledgehammer to get to the top of the WWE and stay there. That man was The Game HHH. He goes through the list of guys HHH has beaten and how that has brought him countless World Championships. He says in less than a year he ended careers, dominated Raw, and became WWE Champion. He says at Wrestlemania he was supposed to defend his title, but HHH cost him that chance. He wants to thank him for that though, because we came to Raw it was HHH who he wanted to face at Wrestlemania. He says last week he was told Wrestlemania could be a turning point in his career, but he will beat HHH so decisively that HHH will never be the same again. He says in two weeks time the Celtic Warrior will take the King of King's Throne.
-Austin is joined in his office by Shawn Michaels. Shawn wants to know if Austin thinks he can beat The Undertaker. Austin thinks he can, but he doesn't think he's going to. He says he knew he'd get the truth out of Austin, but he wants him to know that when he got beat by Austin at Wrestlemania XIV everyone thought his career was over. He says he proved everyone wrong then, and at Wrestlemania he'll do it again. Jericho joins us to thank Steve for letting him having the match so he can embarrass Michaels one last time. Shawn says he's not going to beat Jericho but since Taker destroyed four guys last week on Smackdown to send him a message he will destroy Jericho. Once Shawn leaves Jericho tells Austin that he thinks maybe we should just call off the match and go have a few cold ones. Austin is not amused by that idea.
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse
A bunch of crappy pull apart brawls start this thing off as Kelly appears to have problems with her belt. Kelly hits a rocker dropper for two, but then gets pulled into the second buckle. Maryse finishes with the French Kiss at 1:21 that felt like about an hour and a half. Maryse attacks Kelly after the bell with a kick to the ribs, and then fires her into the barricade. Gail Kim and Eve Torres are out to make the save to a chorus of apathy, but here comes The Beautiful People LayCool to even the odds. They beat down the face divas proving that for this year's diva time filler at Wrestlemania heel/face loyalty with trump brand loyalty. This could not have come across worse. Just brutal. After all of that Vickie Guerrero stands on the stage to applaud.
Winner: Maryse (Pinfall-French Kiss -****)
-Undertaker/HBK promo that aired on Smackdown is re-shown
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho
Shawn attacks at the bell and pounds down Jericho in the corner, and delivering a back elbow off the ropes. Shawn buries a chop into the chest of Jericho, and hits a snap mare. Jericho dodges a charge into the corner and Shawn ends up shoulderblocking the ringpost. Shawn comes right back with a kneelift and a Lou Thesz press to go right back on offense. Shawn pounds Jericho again in the corner, but charges into a backdrop sending him over the top to the floor. Jericho goes outside after him and fires Shawn into the ring apron. Jericho goes for a slingshot hanging Michaels under the bottom rope, and locking in a half nelson chinlock. Jericho whips Shawn into the corner and buries a boot to the side of the head. Jericho talks a little trash while smacking Michaels around, and locks in a chinlock with a knee buried in the back. Shawn fights back with a chop and delivers a flying forearm off the ropes. Shawn nips up and delivers an inverted atomic drop. Jericho comes back with a sunset flip into a Walls of Jericho attempt, but Shawn counters into a small package for two. Jericho is right back with a running bulldog, but a lionsault attempt catches Shawn's knees. Shawn heads outside going to the top rope where he connects with the flying elbow. Shawn tunes up the band, but Jericho bails to the floor and back up the ramp to take the intentional count out at 6:24. As soon as the bell rings Edge attacks and he and Jericho begin to brawl through the crowd. To ringside they go where Jericho is fired inside the ring, and Edge sets up for the spear that connects. Edge whispers "spear" in his ear and heads off. This was a great match as you'd expect with a terrible finish.
Winner: Shawn Michaels (Count Out ***)
-It is announced that the match at Wrestlemania, as expected, would be a triple threat between Rhodes, Dibiase, and Orton. Mathews stops by Orton's office to ask if this affects his focus for his match tonight. Orton says he's even more focused because he wants to beat Triple H. As much as he hates to admit it he respects Triple H. He's on his level. Rhodes and Dibiase aren't on his level, and he doesn't respect them. He says without him they are both absolutely nothing.
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
It's the rematch we've waited weeks for! Orton attacks with a knee to the midsection and hammers HHH into the corner. HHH comes back with a series of right hands of his own, and fires Orton face first into the top buckle. HHH delivers a clothesline, and hits a suplex setting up a kneedrop for two. Orton comes back with a series of kicks to the midsection, but a dropkick attempt misses. Orton comes back to whip HHH to the corner sending him crashing over the top rope to the floor. As HHH comes back inside Orton goes for the hangman's DDT, but HHH is able to counter to a backdrop sending Orton to the floor. HHH goes back out after him, but he gets whipped into the ringsteps. Orton delivers the hangman's DDT off the ringsteps onto the floor and that sends us to break.
We return from commercial with Orton still in control of HHH with a chinlock. HHH tries to fight out, but Orton delivers the inverted backbreaker. Orton calls for the RKO, but HHH pushes him off and delivers a clothesline. They trade right hands in the middle of the ring with HHH getting the better end of it until Orton delivers a kick. Orton hits the ropes but runs into the high knee from HHH. HHH hits a facebuster, but hits the ropes and runs into a powerslam from Orton for a two count. Orton fires HHH into the top buckle, and then catches him with a back elbow. HHH comes back with a spinebuster for two, and goes for the Pedigree but Orton counters into a backdrop. Both men deliver clotheslines which take both of them out, and Orton then drops HHH across the top rope. Orton gets caught with a kick to the face coming into the ring, and HHH hits the pedigree. Legacy runs in to stop the count and draw the DQ at 10:03, and they take out HHH leaving Orton for only themselves. They start the beatdown on Orton only for HHH to come back and make the save. HHH fights off Legacy for a moment, but Sheamus runs in and delivers a pump kick to HHH. Meanwhile on the floor Orton hits the Cross Rhodes on Orton. Legacy stands over Orton on the floor while Sheamus stands tall in the ring.
Winner: Triple H (Disqualifcation-Legacyference **1/2)
-Gorgeous George is the newest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame. My Grandma may have just marked.
Batista vs. Kofi Kingston
Dave mockingly pretends like he's ready to lock up with Kofi, and then just drives him into the corner with a shoulderblock. Batista continues the beatdown choking Kofi out in the corner with his boot, and then stomping him down. Batista goes for a powerslam, but Kofi comes down the back and delivers a back elbow. Kofi gets a series of kicks and ducks a clothesline delivering a chop. Kofi hits a dropkick and a flying clothesline. Kofi goes for the boom drop, but Batista rolls to the floor. Kofi goes out after him, but Dave sidesteps him and fires Kofi into the barricade. Back inside Batista charges but Kofi dodges him and hits a bicycle kick in the corner. That only served to infuriate Batista who catches Kofi on his springboard attempt with a clothesline. Spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish at 2:53. All of Kofi's momentum is gone as this was a complete squash.
Winner: Batista (Pinfall-Batista Bomb **)
The main event (contract signing) is up next.
-WWE Hall of Famer Pete Rose hosts Raw next week. He has booked a match featuring Orton and Triple H vs. Sheamus and Legacy. They should have just done that at Mania, but hey whatever.
-The principles all make their entrances for the contract signing. Austin tells Vince to sit, and says before we get down to business he wants to take care of a piece of business before we get to this piece of business. Austin says last year he went into the Hall of Fame and it was one of the biggest honors of his life, and it was something he's very proud of. He says this year Stu Hart was supposed to go into the WWE Hall of Fame, and as Vince stands up Austin tells him to sit his ass down. He says Vince thinks he has the say so that Stu Hart doesn't deserve to go in the Hall of Fame. Austin says if anyone deserves the honor its Stu, so Austin announces that Stu is going into the Hall of Fame and asks Vince if he has a problem with that. Vince says he doesn't have a problem with it because the entire Hart family will be there, and we all know they're a bunch of dysfunctional derelict. He call Bret a dysfunctional handicapped derelict, and says Bret can be a coward and not sign the contract, or he can sign it and take his beating like a man. He warns Bret however that if he doesn't show up that he will sue him for everything he has. He says it doesn't matter if Bret had two broken legs he'd still beat Vince, but he doesn't want it to be a wrestling match. He wants it to be a No Holds Barred match, and Vince says in the words of Steve Austin "oh hell yeah." Vince says he's enjoyed screwing Bret, but once again with this stipulation Bret has screwed Bret. He demands that Bret sign the contract, which Bret happily does. Vince signs the contract, and Bret smirks as Austin looks it over. Austin says its now official that at Wrestlemania Bret Hart will face Vince McMahon in a No Holds Barred match. Austin says he's looking forward to seeing Vince take worst ass whipping of his life. Austin walks off, but stops on the ramp to say one more thing, but he's going to let Bret tell him himself. Vince turns around and the cast is lying on the table. Bret says he doesn't need the crutch or the cast and he doesn't need to go through all the trouble of explaining how hard it was to go through the stunt. He says thankfully John Cena knows someone in the stunt business. For thirteen years Vince told everyone Bret screwed Bret, but now he gets to tell everyone Vince screwed Vince. He tells Vince if he tries to back out on the match he'll sue him for everything he's worth. Finally Bret blasts Vince with the cast and leaves him laying as we head out.