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We are live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and your announcer are Jim 'Quaker' Ross and Jerry 'Jim's Steaks' Lawler.
Match Number One: Divas Battle Royale featuring Mic kie James, Maria, Jillian Hall, Extreme Expose, Torrie Wilson, Melina, Victoria, and Michelle McCool The Divas, except for Torrie Wilson are wearing the same costumes from last night. The match starts and there are a number of battles in the ring. Layla ties Maria’s tail in the ropes and then she hits Maria with her riding crop. Victoria falls on Layla and then Jillian throws her out of the ring. They try to roll Victoria out of the ring in her sumo suit. Mickie and Melina go after Brooke. Victoria goes up for the Bonzai drop on Brooke and hits it and the Brooke is knocked off the apron to eliminate her. Jillian throws one of her kids at Michelle but Michelle uses then on Jillian and Jillian is eliminated. Melina goes after Michelle. Maria is eliminated by Torrie. Melina eliminates Michelle and Melina returns to the ring before Mickie can eliminate her.... Mickie with a head scissors but Mickie is sent to the apron. Mickie and Melina fight on the apron and Melina with an X Factor that eliminates herself as well as Mickie. Torrie and Victoria remain in the ring with Kelly and Torrie takes Victoria down with a shoulder tackle. Torrie spins Victoria around and then she tries to send Victoria out. Kelly and Torrie eliminate Victoria and then Torrie is eliminated by Kelly.
After the match, Beth Phoenix comes out and Kelly leaves the ring, but Melina and Jillian roll Kelly back in. Beth with a clothesline to Kelly and then she hits a double chicken wing slam.
We go to highlights from the Shawn Michaels/Randy Orton match for the WWE Title from Cyber Sunday. We see Orton get disqualified but then we see Orton try to finish off Michaels only to see Michaels pop up and hit Sweet Chin Music.
Shawn Michaels is walking in the back and we go to commercial.
We are back and we find out that Hornswoggle will face Jonathan Coachman tonight.
Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and he has something to say. Shawn says to look at who is back in the saddle again. Shawn thanks everyone who voted him into the WWE Title Match at Cyber Sunday. He says that he has some good news and some bad news. The good news is that he knocked Randy Orton out cold with some Sweet Chin Music, but the bad news is that he does not have the WWE Title. Shawn says that there are a lot of people who brag about the size of their grapefruits, but he is not one of those people. To hit his ‘bad boys’ you need to have pinpoint accuracy. That is proof that Orton tried to get himself disqualified. As the result of the disqualification, he gets a rematch and he wants it tonight.
Vince McMahon walks to the ring as only Vince McMahon can and he enters the ring. Vince and Shawn stare at each other and then Vince asks the fans if they want to see a rematch and become WWE Champion again. Vince wants to know what Shawn is doing. Shawn wants to know what Vince is asking. Vince says that he knows that Shawn wants to be WWE Champion again because he won’t squander the opportunity. Vince says that is what Shawn wants. Vince says that there is something else that Shawn wants and that is revenge. Shawn was sitting at home and thought about the man who came ‘this close’ to ending his career. Vince says that Shawn wants revenge because he has known Shawn since he was twenty-three years old. Shawn might have read the bible, but deep down in his soul there is something that is rotten. Vince says that there isn’t a thing that Shawn can do about it.
Vince wants Shawn to admit that Shawn wants revenge on Orton; and Shawn admits it. He says that he sat home for four months leaving the industry on someone else’s terms. When he returned in 2002, he vowed that it wouldn’t happen again. The next time he leaves is when he says so. Randy Orton tried to change that and that he cannot have. Shawn admits to wanting to make Orton suffer. Shawn wants to know if he has his rematch.
Vince tells Shawn that he should be careful of what he wishes for. Vince says that Survivor Series is an aptly named pay per view and Shawn has the match. Vince wants to know what Shawn is going to do with that opportunity and then Shawn sets for Sweet Chin Music but Vince barely avoids it. Vince leaves the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to see the two finalists in Diva Search: The Silicone Menace as they try to show their talents.
We see footage of Bob Holly coming to help Cody Rhodes after Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas attacked Rhodes after his upset victory.
Match Number Two: Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes versus Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas
Holly and Benjamin start things off and Benjamin takes Holly into the corner but Holly fights his way out of the corner. Benjamin with a clothesline to Holly and then Haas is tagged in and he kicks Holly and slams his head into the turnbuckles. Holly with a chop but Haas with a waist lock take down followed by crossfaces. Benjamin tags back in and he connects with forearms and boots to the back. Haas continues the pattern of quick tags but Holly with a drop kick. Rhodes tags in and he goes up top for a shoulder tackle followed by forearms and a clothesline. Rhodes with a drop kick to Haas for a near fall. Rhodes with forearms in the corner. Haas tries for a move off an Irish whip but Rhodes with a power slam. Benjamin and Holly fight outside the ring. Haas tries for a DDT but Rhodes holds the ropes. Rhodes hits a DDT of his own for the three count.
Winners: Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes
After the match, Holly leaves the ring and Rhodes follows after him.
We see Randy Orton and Umaga in the back and they appear to be talking strategy. We go to commercial.
We are back and Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler talk about Candice Michelle’s injury last week and we see footage of it one more time. They warn the viewers about the footage. They show the move from a number of angles and then they talk about how Beth did not care and pulled Candice into the ring.
Beth Phoenix is in the interview area with Todd Grisham. He points out what Beth did to Kelly earlier and the footage from last week. Beth says that she has no regrets for what she did. What she has done is make a statement. These Divas want to dress up and be something that they are not. Candice wanted respect but all of the time that she has spent perfecting her craft is for nothing. Now she can tell her friends that all of her hopes and dreams have been crushed by the Glamazon.
Trevor is reading WWE Magazine and Mickie stops by. They start to have some small talk and Mickie thanks Trevor for pushing her out of the way last week. Trevor says that it was instinct and he is not someone who wants to see an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie says that she is not that innocent. Lance Cade stops by and Mickie says that she needs to leave. Cade wants to know what is going on and Trevor says that they are just friends. Lance tells Trevor that he cost them the match because they were not focused. Cade tells Murdoch to stay focused because he wants to hold the titles for a long time.
William Regal reminds Vince that he came close to having his face knocked off and he wants to keep Vince out of harm’s way because of the injuries. Regal wants to talk about the handicap match. Vince says that he does not want to see any superstar injured, but Triple H is different because it is personal. Vince says that speaking of personal, where is the little toad. He asks where Hornswoggle is. Regal opens the door and Hornswoggle comes in and then he tells Regal to leave. Vince tells his son that he does not want him to get the wrong idea. He says that Hornswoggle has held his own over the last few weeks. They are of the same blood but in order to be a McMahon, you need to stand on your own two feet. Vince says that Hornswoggle might think that he has not cared too much, but he has a theory. Every grown man should be knocked on his ass at least once in his life so he can learn that humiliation. Vince says that when you get knocked down, you get back up. You keep getting back up until they don’t have it in them to knock you down again. Vince tells Hornswoggle that he needs to know how to deal with victory. He will be successful. He says that Hornswoggle needs to learn to hate if you want to be a McMahon. He tells Hornswoggle to go out there and show that he can hate. Hornswoggle goes to the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back with the viral video.
Match Number Three: Jonathan Coachman versus Hornswoggle
Coach backs Hornswoggle into the corner but Lillian Garcia introduces the guest referee, Mick Foley. Mick wants a high five from Hornswoggle. Foley checks on Coach and Coach doesn’t like it. Foley stops Coach as the bell rings. Coach backs Hornswoggle into the corner and Coach throws him into the corner. Hornswoggle steps on Coach’s foot followed by a drop kick. Coach grabs Hornswoggle’s beard and then he gets Hornswoggle up for a slam but Hornswoggle bites Coach. Hornswoggle with a drop kick and seated senton. Hornswoggle goes to the turnbuckle for an elbow drop but Coach moves out of the way. Foley tells Coach to stand back but Coach tells Foley to get out of his way. Coach accidentally hits Foley and then he hits Foley from behind. Coach goes outside the ring and grabs a chair and brings it into the ring. Coach gets ready to use it but Foley grabs the chair and then he punches Coach and Foley pulls out Mr. Socko but then he throws it out of the ring. Foley gives Hornswoggle a ‘Little Socko’ and Hornswoggle gives him the testicular claw. Foley knocks Coach down and Hornswoggle hits a frog splash for the three count.
Todd Grisham is with Triple H. Todd asks about the beating that Triple H took a few weeks ago. He brings up the beating that he took last night and says that it doesn’t look good tonight. Hunter thanks Todd for the pep talk. He wonders what would happen if Todd was not here to tell him about his tragedies. Hunter says that the odds might not be in his favor, but he always has an ace up his sleeve. If he is going down tonight, he is taking Randy Orton and Umaga down with him. Hunter reminds everyone that he is the game. We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Highlights from last week’s six person tag match when Trevor Murdoch saved Mickie James from a Lance Cade clothesline.
Match Number Four: Paul London with Brian Kendrick versus Lance Cade with Trevor Murdoch
London with a waist lock into a side head lock. London with a cross body for a near fall and then he returns to the side head lock. Cade with a belly-to-back suplex for a near fall. Cade with forearms to the back. Cade with an Irish whip but he moves out of the way when Cade charges. London with a springboard cross body for a near fall. London with a reverse atomic drop followed by a rana but Cade throws London out of the ring. Murdoch tries to attack London but Kendrick with a plancha onto Murdoch. London with a sunset flip for a near fall followed by a drop kick. Cade with a spinebuster for the three count.
Winner: Lance Cade
After the match, Cade grabs Murdoch but the Highlanders come to the ring. Rory and Robbie are in the ring with London and Kendrick and then they attack Kendrick and hit a double inverted slingshot suplex on London and then they do the same to Kendrick. We go to commercial.
We are back and we see highlights from D.H. Smith’s debut last week against Carlito.
Match Number Five: Jeff Hardy and D.H. Smith versus Ken Kennedy and Carlito
All four men stare down as the bell rings. Hardy and Kennedy start things off and they lock up with Kennedy getting the side head lock. Kennedy with a shoulder tackle and then he tries for a hip toss but Hardy with a short arm clothesline. Kennedy with a knee and then he tags in Carlito. Carlito punches and kicks Hardy followed by shoulders in the corner. Hardy blocks a punch and Hardy responds with punches of his own followed by a mule kick. Hardy with a side head lock and then Hardy with a bridge for a near fall. Smith is tagged in and he works on Carlito’s arm with an arm bar. Carlito with a knee and then he chops and punches Smith. The referee warns Carlito. Smith with a back body drop and then he clotheslines Carlito over the top rope to the floor. Hardy stops Kennedy from attacking Smith and Hardy throws Kennedy out of the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back and Carlito is working on Smith’s leg. We see footage during the break when Kennedy hit a kick to the knee. Carlito continues to work on the leg. Smith with forearms to Carlito to get out of the hold. Carlito with a forearm to the back of the knee and Kennedy is tagged in. Kennedy with a kick and punch to Smith followed by more kicks to the leg. Kennedy continues to work on the leg. Smith and Kennedy exchange punches but Kennedy knocks Hardy off the apron to stop the tag from being made. The referee does not see the tag by Carlito and he disallows it. Carlito tags in and he kicks Smith in the back of the leg. Kennedy continues to make quick tags and he hits a leg whip but Smith with an enzuigiri and both men are down. Hardy tags in and he hits a flying clothesline on Carlito. Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind but Kennedy makes the save. Kennedy kicks Smith in the knee and then he misses the running boot in the corner and Kennedy goes to the floor. Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Carlito and then he goes up top for the Swanton for the three count.
Winners: D.H. Smith and Jeff Hardy
We go to commercial.
We are back and Santino Marella comes to the ring. Santino has a mic and he says that he is here to make a formal complaint to the WWE travel department. He was prevented from coming to Cyber Sunday. He was also prevented from giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. He says at least he did not have to watch the Condemned on the flight.
Steve Austin’s music plays and it is Santino Austin. Santino Austin says that he has something to say to Santino. Santino Cold says that he could beat him like a mule. Santino Cold says that Santino was right that he should have been the star of The Condemned. If anyone has a problem, he will give them a can of ass whip. He drinks a beer and leaves.
Santino thanks Santino Cold for the honesty so people can learn from him. He might be a lousy actor, but he has an eye for talent. Maria comes to the ring and she says that ‘he’ is going to be here next week. Santino suggests that it is someone from Philadelphia. Maybe Benjamin Franklin or Tom Hanks ‘with the AIDS’. Maria says that Austin will be on Raw next week. Santino says that Maria has been reading too many of the chat rooms because she will believe anything. Santino says that the only place that you will see Austin is in the bargain bins.
We see the two finalists for Diva Search: The Silicone Menace walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back and Todd Grisham is under the TitanTron. We are now down to the final two and we will find out who becomes the newest WWE Diva. Todd brings out the finalists and out first is Brooke. She is followed by Eve. Todd talks about where past Diva Search winners have appeared. Todd asks Eve if she is nervous and then we hear from both of the finalists.
The newest WWE Diva is Eve. While Eve celebrates, Brooke goes to the back.
We are interrupted by the viral video.
Match Number Six: Randy Orton and Umaga versus Triple H in a Handicap Match
Hunter waits on the apron as Umaga gets antsy waiting for the match to start. Hunter and Umaga exchange punches with Hunter getting the advantage. Orton punches Hunter and they go outside but Hunter sends Orton into the ringside barrier. Hunter returns to the ring and Umaga is dropped on the top rope and he hits the announce table. Hunter brings Orton back into the ring and then he punches Orton. Umaga tries for a splash but Hunter moves out of the way. Hunter with a flying clothesline and then he sets for the Pedigree on Orton but Umaga with a head butt. Umaga punches Hunter and so does Orton. Hunter punches at Orton but Umaga stops Hunter’s offense. Hunter punches Orton and then he punches Umaga. Umaga with a Samoan drop to Hunter and then Orton with the Garvin Stomp and a splash by Umaga. Orton punches Hunter in the corner and then Umaga wants to get in some punches.
Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and the referee calls for the bell. Michaels takes care of Orton and Umaga. Hunter with a low blow to Umaga and then Hunter and Michaels with a double clothesline that sends Umaga over the top rope to the floor.
We see Vince in the office with William Regal. Vince says that it always turns out the way he wants it when he wants it to. Vince suggests that for one night only, it will be the return of DX. Regal says that Vince has outdone himself and then Vince has a disturbed look on his face. We go to credits.